Do you have a mother-in-law who is not going to get out of your marriage? Or maybe she disapproves or condescends? Do you have a father-in-law who is know-it-all? If you’re going to stick with your family, you’re probably stuck with your in-laws, so finding ways to get along with them is important. Continue reading for the tips for managing your In-laws.
Problems faced in families
- The biggest problem is that you get so swept up in the confusion that you forget to devote any time to yourself while living in a joint family. You must put the members of your family, their decisions, their happiness, and their sadness before you.
- You will get a back seat for your wishes.
- You’re rarely going to be a priority for your in-laws or even your husband.
- For you and your husband, there would be little or no privacy, leading to a tense relationship.
- You will have to get approvals from your inlaws for any matter, from what to cook to what to wear.
Tips For Managing Your In-Laws
We don’t just marry the love of our life— we also marry their family. If left to chance, our relationships with in-laws can become extremely difficult. You may have heard, or even told, tales about the in-laws. Bonds must be deliberately forged and shielded, yet if you began on the wrong foot, many relationships need to be restored.
The true challenge arises when a couple faces in-laws who do not give the needed emotional and physical room to carve out their new nuclear family. Over the years, I’ve heard stories of in-laws visiting unannounced, or even demanding a set of house keys; others have no qualms about vehemently disapproving a variety of problems.
Here are some tips for managing your in-laws.
1. There can be no loyalties divided
This is where your primary loyalty needs to be when you get married and start your own family. You need to stand by your spouse, not your parents, even in the heat of a fight.
2. Don’t tell your parents about your marriage issues
One of the greatest mistakes couples can make is to share with their respective families their relationship problems. Within a marriage, you solve problems— not by turning away from your partner and your parents. Without involving them in your marriage, you can enjoy your parents and have a wealthy, active connection with them. And remember every moment you’re upset or harmed, if you vent to your parents, they’re going to build a case against your partner. You may make up with your partner, but your folks will still remember the hurt that your spouse caused you and may have a grudge.
3. Discuss the role you want your in-laws to play with your partner
Don’t suppose until you speak about it, that you’re on the same page.
4. Set Boundaries and Limits
Good fences make good neighbors. Your in-laws need to be your neighbors (figuratively speaking!), and you need to put up fences. Set boundaries about when they are or are not invited into your lives, so they can come in and out of your life appropriately. You’ve got a finite amount of physical and emotional energy. If your in-laws are draining you, you may need to change the boundaries. Reassure them that you are not closing them out.
5. Discuss it
If your in-laws penetrate your life and invade your privacy, it may be because you and your spouse have not set boundaries or obviously articulated them. This is your task. Talk about them to your parents once you have set limits. They aren’t as fragile as you might believe.
6. Know your role
If a husband has an issue with his mother-in-law, step in is the work of his wife. Likewise, if a woman with her in-laws does not see eye-to-eye, it is her husband who needs to assist fix it. The person with the primary relationship (the son or daughter, not the in-law) must be the messenger or peacemaker.
7. Don’t try criticizing your spouse
Parent-child dynamics may not be seen by your spouse; do not attempt to be overly critical. This can lead only to more adherence or problems.
8. Don’t be a good fighter
Do you need to be correct in an argument at all times? Even if, from your view, your in-laws are obviously incorrect, the way you respond to a scenario might inflame it and overshadow your place. It’s not about rightness; it’s about happiness. Take the moral high ground and learn in a disagreement to compromise.
9. Don’t involve the kids
Never use children as pawns. Protect them, by being in the center of a war zone, against manipulation and emotional damage. Grandparents must know that while their role in a child’s lives is essential, their participation is a privilege, not a right. They have to gain that privilege by placing the interests of the children above their own. Parents should make every effort to maintain a good and loving relationship between grandparent and grandchild.
So, these are 9 tips for managing your in-laws.
If you come from a nuclear family, how do you cope with your in-laws living with you?
Many of us, in modern times, prefer to be born and raised in nuclear families. The usual members are 4 to 5 and only parents and children compose the family. Even in changing times, however, there are people living in shared families in many parts of the world.
It’s not a bad thing now to live in a joint family. In addition, it can have several benefits as well. Therefore, please do not join a new home or a stereotyped family. See stuff first, look at a family’s working, and then determine if you’re good or bad.
Offer yourself some time to be a part of your new home, one way or the other. The others will also take a while to be a part of your life. Take the time to make your living. Things aren’t getting bad always. We are the ones that take the worst off and become miserable.
Recall that change is the only constant thing in life.
There are many more ways to work on this tricky relationship but don’t assume the in-law relationship will necessarily be poisonous, please.
Also Read: Pros And Cons Of Living In A Joint Family