Emotional unavailability is a true reality and being married to a distant man can be stressful and unfulfilling. Such a relationship may feel like a roller coaster with you in persistent fear of being left alone despite all your attempts to get close to shutting down your husband. There are many explanations that people are / can be unreliable emotionally. Scroll down for the ways to deal with an emotionally unavailable husband.
Here are some emotionally distant husband signs that will validate your anxiety if you believe your wife is remote:
1. Loves to do things alone
He can spend much of his free time playing video games or watching television alone during the day, without any contact with you. Without you, he may even schedule vacations or trips, or avoid all activities that concern you.
2. Avoid deep discussions
Your spouse will talk about the weather, football, shopping or something boring but refuse to speak about the way you feel. Any communication which approaches the boundaries of relationship insecurities is avoided.
3. His words don’t match his actions
You’d sometimes experience that your partner doesn’t keep up his thoughts, particularly when it comes to things that matter most to you. Often, your husband is not emotionally supportive in times of need, even though he claims to be there for you.
4. Unfulfilling sexual life
Sexual life with an emotionally distant person can go both ways. One, it doesn’t happen because your husband rejects sex in order to prevent emotional intimacy. Second, sex is nothing more than a physical act, so there is no emotional connection to it.
5. Shows little emotion
Though men are usually emotionally inexpressive, they still convey the best of what they have to their spouse. And if your husband does not express emotions or shower you with love and affection even occasionally, that shows a disconnect.
6. Lack of understanding and compassion
Your emotionally unavailable spouse doesn’t seem to care about what you want or don’t like, and doesn’t care about what you’re going through. He’s still not very helpful when you’re sick or feeling ill.
7. Blame games
No matter what the problem is, he finds a way to turn it around and point to you as the source. His reasons are always true, and yours is unreasonable. When he’s cornered, he’s being defensive.
8. Hides in his shell always
Men with low confidence may become distant and emotionally inaccessible if they are afraid of finding out their weakness or something that drives their complex inferiority. This may cause them to withdraw to a shell that would cut them off from you.
Reasons for Being Emotionally Distant to Wife
Here are only a few things that an emotionally unavailable husband explains:
- The husband by nature will not be open to expressing his feelings. It’s not unusual for people to grow up silent about their emotions that go with being stoic to them. However, they do open up to people they trust, including a close friend or partner, and it can take some time.
- Bad past experience such as a traumatic break up from a long-term relationship will affect their emotional availability before trust is built up again. It’s particularly true if his former girlfriend or spouse betrayed the man.
- Childhood abuse from a dysfunctional family, as a defensive mechanism, may cause people to grow up emotionally closed and distant.
- Painful incidents or situations where they feel as if they were struggling.
- An extramarital affair can also separate people from one another.
Tips to Deal With An Emotionally Unavailable Husband
If you wonder how to live with a husband who is emotionally distant then these tips will help you out:
1. Give it time
Being his wife does not mean that he is obliged to completely open himself up to you. If you’re giving him enough time to absorb the fact that you’re his wife and someone he can count on, he’ll come around slowly. It’s also critical that you get upfront early on about this.
2. Look out for subtle clues
This needs you to be a little more perceptive than you are usually. Even the most distant, inaccessible people express themselves in one way or the other and all you need to do is pay attention. The initiative can also encourage him to be more open to you.
3. Change your perspective
Although it takes time for things to happen on its own, you should turn your attention to establishing yourself as a person so that he knows you are not completely dependent on him for your identity. It can boost confidence and give him respect for you.
4. Avoid sarcasm or lectures
Although your patience certainly has a level, telling him to mean things or being sarcastic will just irritate him and drive him further away. The same goes for lecturing him about why being emotional is important. The trick is letting it dawn on him here.
You can also try marital therapy to address an emotionally detached husband if you are not sure about the path to move forward. It’s a big move though and he shouldn’t be pushed into it. A therapist will give you a better outlook and a better way of getting things to work.
6. Giving a feeling of security
Assure your husband that whatever his emotional availability you’ll love him. The root cause of this is most often childhood trauma, tragedy or rejection, or an incident that has affected them to avoid being emotional.
7. Understanding the underlying issue
You won’t win him by insisting he’ll be emotionally open to you. Give him plenty of time to open upon his life, or why he is the way he is. Be affectionate always but don’t let him take you for granted.
What to do if your husband refuses to respond or change
If your husband refuses to respond or improve in spite of your best efforts, it might be time to end it. Here is how to get started:
1. Be sure of that
Ending a relationship is the last step after everything else has failed, so ask yourself if you’ve done everything you can to save it. It also means evaluating yourself that you asked too much of him so whether you won’t fall into him in moments of weakness. You should go ahead with it until you have clear answers.
2. No more acts of affection from your end
If you were the one who put everything in place to keep the house together and take care of the chores, it’s time to stop being his maid. Tell him to share the tasks and even cook now and then, and make sure that your request is obligated.
3. Distance Yourself
It’s time to start getting away from your partner and reciprocating his apathy or reluctance to do anything. He needs to realize that you won’t be taken for granted anymore and that you’re letting go.
4. Let Go
If you have had deep romantic feelings for him, having him around is tempting. It is a terrible idea, let him go and don’t look back until you’re solid enough at all levels. It’s going to be the toughest thing you’re going to do because some people really aren’t meant to be together.
This takes time for emotionally unavailable husbands to come over. The causal factors are dealt with overtime in the majority of situations. Others may never improve though, so it’s nice not to rethink the relationship.
Also Read: Want To Know What Your Wife Wants From You?